Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
