every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
