me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
