Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
