Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
how does that bad decision feel?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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