Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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