I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
