It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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