my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
