If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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