there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
