Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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