no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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