Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
