don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
