I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
