He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
