Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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