it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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