I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
