fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
