tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
