Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
