Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
