i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
