dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
