She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Randomize
