i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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