my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
