Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I can tuck mytits in my pants
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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