just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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