Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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