You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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