i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
