Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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