true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Your penis caused this!
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