mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
