repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
