this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
