Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
