We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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