Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
