you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
