Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
