I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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