We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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