Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
