Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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