Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
