Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
