Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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