paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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