i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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