Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
