But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
