the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Someone signed my nipple.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
