fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
