That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
