My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
