my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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