I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
