woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
