Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize