I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
