how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I have aggressive nipples.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
