he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
