im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
