Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
